For Karrin

[dresdenforhire]

There's a saying- when the going gets tough the tough get going to the little blonde woman with the cute nose and is even tougher. Not many people say that but it's definitely a saying I use. Well, I don't exactly say it out loud but I definitely think it. I think about Karrin Murphy for a lot of reasons but one of them is definitely help with the tough things. She may not pack a magical wallop but she doesn't need to. Plus she's not afraid to call me on being a dumb ass and that's a very important trait I look for when things are tough. Plus I can fit more gear in the Blue Beetle if she's the other person riding with me.

So that's why I was pulling up outside of her house unannounced late Friday afternoon. I needed help at the last minute for a rather unpleasant job and I knew Karrin Murphy well enough that I knew if she had to she'd cancel plans to help me. Not as any huge favor for me most likely but because she knew I wouldn't ask if it wasn't really important.

Unfolding myself out of the car I made my way up to her front door. I could feel the energy around the place, the magical barrier that all homes had. Of course hers was stronger than most, her grandmother having lived her and it being truly a home.

I stopped short of the door and used my staff to knock. I wasn't sure what types of electronics she might have on her or near the door since I was showing up without warning and I didn't want to fry anything important. I at least try to be courteous about that, especially if I'm going to be asking someone for help.

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[dresdenforhire]

“Bout this much,” I said, reaching into the bag of gummy bears and pulling one out and holding it between my thumb and forefinger before popping it in my mouth. One cannot eat just a single one though so I grabbed a handful and chewed down on them while I thought on her question.

“No, Rogust doesn’t really care about that as long as you’re moderately polite. He likes nature and he likes stories,” I explained. I always wondered if Rogust was the inspiration for Rhadagast the Brown and old JRR was actually in the know with some of the supernatural community. “Some Fae are fine with very little contact with others but Rogust... I worry that without someone to tell his stories to he’ll forget himself. I’m hoping that bringing someone new, with good stories of their own, and that he’ll want to impress will help remind him of who he is.”

Sometimes people lost who they were and became someone or something else. Sometimes that was a natural part, butterflies and all that. Other times it was less natural and more... I don’t know. More tragic. And I felt like if Rogust lost who he was the world would be lesser for it. I know I can’t save everyone but if I can save one being just chatting with them? Then I’ll do that.

[murph]

"You and your stupid metabolism." She grunted at him and chewed her jerky slowly, letting him at least save her from the gummies as he devoured them.

"I can be polite." She had worked years for CPD, she'd had to play nice with people who had metaphorical knives at her throat. Then again as Harry's friends, she had also done that in a more literal sense. Either way, if this creature was good to just talk and listen she was sure it wouldn't be too bad.

"Sounds like he should start a vlog, those things are popular. Or maybe a podcast, there's one I listen to while I work out that's really good." Of course, she also didn't blow up technology when she was having a bad day like some wizards who shall remain nameless. He was still the only reason she ever invested in extended warranties on things.

But he was being introspective in there, all up in the big head of his and she could see that. "So what else is going on with you? I can't help but notice you've been kind of scarce lately."

[dresdenforhire]

"Look it's not my fault I'm three times your size," I pointed out. Just because that meant I could eat three times as much as she did with it having the same effect meant nothing. Besides, I know that she burned a lot of calories with her workouts so it wasn't like she had to be completely strict with her diet. And spaghettios cooked on the stove in the can was a perfectly valid meal.

"What podcast is that?" I asked, not that I could really join in on the fun. Sometimes if Billy heard something he thought I'd really like he would record it on to a cassette tape for me.

I thought about not answering her other question for a moment. What was going on with me? That was a pretty loaded question and one I wasn't even sure I knew how to answer. "I've been busy. Winter things. Demonreach things. Wizard things."

[murph]

"Just history stuff, some great old stories about World War two." She wasn't going to cover that she listened to audiobooks sometimes too and that she had developed a taste for detective stories. They were terrible of course, but now and then she'd find a gem that wasn't filled with guys who treated women like crap and had to protect them. She liked the mystery of it and when they got the details of crime-solving right.

"Wizard things." She nodded and went silent for a long minute. "Miss you." She didn't whisper it, just stated it as a matter of fact as it was, a simple truth. He'd been absent from a lot of their lives and she'd let him have his space knowing he'd been through a lot and needed it. But she wasn't just going to not say something.

[dresdenforhire]

My heart and stomach did strange things at hearing that she missed me. It was nice to hear, it was always nice to hear that someone missed you and maybe I’m projecting but it was especially nice to hear it from her.

“I miss you too,” I say. It was almost an automatic response, almost but not quite because I don’t want to be flippant about it or make it sound like I was saying it as a matter of course. Because I didn’t miss her, I missed her in a lot of different ways. “I- that’s the main reason I asked you to come. The other stuff is true but... I miss you, Murphy. And I know that’s on me, I’m the one that’s been distant because sometimes it’s difficult to...”

To be around her because of the feelings I have for her? For the lust that the Winter Mantle grabs on to when I think about her sometimes? I’d like to say that it was just the Winter thing but it’s also the other things.

“I miss you too. I don’t like not being with you,” I admitted, glancing at her out of the corner of my eye before turning my gaze back to the road. It was important to look ahead and not at her reaction because I was being a good driver and not because I was afraid what I’d see there. Nope, not that at all.

[murph]

She let him speak, it seemed like whenever there was something to insult or something to babble on about he never shut up but when it came to honest feelings he rarely said things. Even more rarely did he say things without pulling back on them a bit as though that made it easier if he didn't admit the depth of something.

She could deal with that when it came to him talking about how he was hurting because she didn't need him to talk for her to know that. She'd seen enough fighting and injury to know when something hurt like hell even if some big jerk had a mystical elemental force pushing him on. She knew where she stood there.

But with them, them she was never sure.

"Pretty simple solution for that you know." Yeah, she was going to stick that to him. "You could come around more often. I'd like it if you did." He had to know she was going there. Right?

"But I get why you feel like you need to be alone sometimes, I just wish you'd realize that you have people who want to be there for you." She wasn't even just saying herself, there were lots of people that cared about him. He could consider himself lucky that she dropped it there rather than digging in about it.

[dresdenforhire]

I tapped my fingers nervously on the steering wheel while Murphy spoke. We were definitely having this conversation even if we were dancing around it a bit though I had a feeling we wouldn't be dancing much longer. Even despite the nerves though I felt a flush of warmth when she mentioned that she would like it if I came around more often. The tiny Sally Fields in my brain was calling out "She likes me, she really, really likes me!" That may be rather juvenile but I was going to blame that on not having a lot of experience with adult relationships. Okay that and the fact that I could be pretty juvenile at times. Still... she likes me! She really, really likes me!

I opened my mouth to reply to her comment about having people who want to be there for me before closing it, not trusting the first thing to come out of my mouth. I didn't want to say something stupid or flippant so I actually thought about my answer first.

"I know, and I'm grateful. It's just... hard. The Winter Mantle- it pushes on parts of me that I don't like and I don't like the idea of other people seeing those more at the forefront," I said. Which sounded pretty stupid I know. Murphy and my other friends didn't like me because I was perfect then cared despite the fact that I wasn't. That didn't change the fact that I was ashamed or worried about those sides coming out. "When I'm around you for example the Mantle really picks on some of my, uh, stronger physical feelings for you. It makes me want to take and dominate which... that's not even the side of that kink I'm into."

I managed to say all of that with a straight face and I'm pretty sure I wasn't blushing. At least not much. I still can't look over at her though but I feel like I should get points for saying it. Well, you know, at least sort of saying, "the Winter Mantle makes me want to hold you down and bang you like a screen door but that is the opposite of what I'm normally into".

[murph]

This was a lot more real talk than they had done about things between them in a long time. She'd lost track of the number of times one of them had said to the other 'when this is all over we should talk' or some variant thereof.

So she let him talk, and to his credit, he didn't stumble or make some wisecrack, he just honestly said what he felt. Karrin had to feel like that was progress right?

Though when he brought up what winter tended to amp in him her brow did raise and she found herself listening more intently. Did he just say it made him want to.. yeah he did. But he wasn't the kind who leaned to the dominant side of things. Well, that was something that she hadn't exactly picked up on before but in retrospect it made sense. His tendency had been toward strong, aggressive women, and his attraction to women who could kick his ass she had always chalked up to just his type.

"Harry, I dated Kincade, if you don't think things got a little rough in the sheets with the Hell Hound you're really not getting the picture. And I held my own in that department, just so you know" Well more often than not she was holding Jared's but that was beside the point and a pitiful joke.

"But it's nice to know what side of the kink you are into." She said thoughtfully. "I tend to be kind of take charge myself, never have been one to be controlled or told what to do. Come to think of it that probably explains why things never worked with Rick."

[dresdenforhire]

“If we could not bring up exes?” I suggested. Part of that was because it made Winter howl with the desire to dominate and claim. Another pet was just that I wanted to think more about the here and now and not the past. “And Rick is just an idiot. But point taken. I never took you for the passive type in anything though.”

I let out a long breath. Then I took in a deep breath and let it out as well. I checked my rear view mirrors before pulling off to the side of the road. If we were going to have a conversation like this I wanted to be able to look at her for more than a second. Even as I turned to face her and focus on that cute nose of hers to avoid a Soul Gaze I could feel myself blushing.

“Would you...” I began, floundering for words for a moment. I brought up my hands and flailed them around a bit too, seeing if that could help me figure out what to say but it wasn’t as effective as I’d hoped. “I care about you. A lot. As a friend and partner and... more. Karrin Murphy... would you top me? Would you top me so hard the entire world knows I’m yours?”

Not the most conventional way to ask someone if they’d be your girl but I’ve been known to be slight unconventional at times.

[murph]

"Sorry." But it wasn't like Rick wasn't part of her life still because Lisa had to go and marry the son of a bitch. She was still sure the two of them did it just to fuck with her. But they both knew that they each had a past, she knew how badly he'd hurt after Susan left and even more so after what ultimately happened. She'd been there for that, for him. Only just starting to realize how much she'd felt for him around that time.

Apparently, he was uncomfortable with the conversation and pulled over for what she was sure was going to be yet another instance of him telling her how he couldn't stop to think about things like that right now. How he couldn't afford the distraction of this or that. So she took a breath and reached for that centering she held when she was running through practice. When he turned to face her she mirrored his movement, her own hands very still resting on her thigh.

Would she what? Let it all go? Forget about it? Get over him and move on, again? She had some choice words for that if he was going to try that out with her again. And then he started the classic spiel of I care about you but, you're a great friend but... But that was not even remotely where the conversation turned and Karrin was utterly unprepared to hear it.

She blinked several times working his words around in her head, she took almost a minute reviewing every tiny implication of his questions. And when you're alone in a car at night, one minute is a terribly long time for the other person.

She turned her hands over each other, thinking carefully over her response and looking up at him with a nod of decision. She moved slightly toward him, her hand snaking out as quick as a trained fighter was capable, and snagged him roughly by the back of his neck. "Get over here and fucking kiss me." She hauled him toward her.

[dresdenforhire]

I thought I was going to throw up. My stomach was churning so hard I actually put a hand on the window crank so that I could roll it down if I actually did need to throw up. She just sat there blinking and I could tell she was thinking through what I'd said and taking forever to answer. Either she was taking very careful consideration before talking or this was some sort of payback for... well for so many things I don't know that I could count them all. I'd certainly deserve it if it was payback.

When she did move it was so quick that it was like I was getting struck by a snack. I barely had time to register her words before she pulled me toward her and kissed me with so much heat I thought I'd burn. Or maybe I was burning, it certainly felt like it from the sudden warmth rushing toward me. My lips met hers and I kissed her back fiercely. Winter inside of me howled for more but I pushed it down. This was me. This was all me wanting and needing Karrin Murphy so badly that it hurt in the best way. My hand cupped her face, thumb lightly brushing against her cheek despite the passion of our kiss. Someone made a growling motion of need followed by a bit of a whimper and I'm pretty sure it was me. I didn't care though because my entire world right now was Karrin Murphy and the feel of her lips on mine and the ache of my body for hers.

[murph]

She kissed him, tasted him, took his kiss from him for a long breathless while. She'd turn and tilt only to deepen the kiss and her hand guided him the same way. Not until she felt the burn of needing to breathe did she release him and drew a deep, sharp gasp of breath. She was shaking but it had nothing to do with the cold. She blinked up at him and it was the slow, lazy blink of someone who finally got what they'd been hungry for. And with absolutely zero self-consciousness she licked her lips as though getting ready for a second course.

"You have no idea how long I've wondered what that would feel like." She smiled and her fingers brushed over kiss swollen lips a teasing phantom of what they'd been doing. "I'm not going to fuck you in this car, I'm not a goddamned teenager. But we're going to set up a camp tonight, right?" She waited for him to nod and then she nodded too.

"Then tonight I'll get to find out what other things have made me wet in the past few years wondering over." She cupped his chin in her hand. "Like what else that mouth might be good for besides pissing off cops and bad guys."

[dresdenforhire]

"Hell's Bell's you're a monster," I groaned, my head thudding against the headrest of the car. Every nerve ending was on fire with pleasure and want and I didn't think it had anything to do with the Winter Mantle and everything to do with Karrin Murphy and that kiss. And the way she licked her lips. And what she'd said. That woman was a damned menace and I was crazy about her.

"And I'll be happy to show you," I said, starting the car back up with a slightly trembling hand of excitement. It wasn't just the prospect of using my mouth on her more but just... this was real. This was US and it was real and I hadn't realized how badly I'd wanted this until now. We'd danced around things for a while and of course I'd wondered about what it would be like in little ways but I felt this sort of deep down in my soul. I'm sure that sounded stupid but out of all the people I trusted I trusted her the most. I enjoyed her presence the most. She was the best.

How tight my pants felt right now reminded me that she was a menace though.

"How long, exactly, have you wondered?" I asked, trying to make the question sound casually as I got up to speed. Well, as up to speed as the Beetle would allow.

[murph]

"You don't know the half of it." She smirked and turned back in her seat, hands demonstrably tugging her jeans down a bit in the thigh to keep her from getting too hot before they got around to being able to do something about it.

If he was hoping to wipe that smile off her face those were the exact wrong words to use to do it, her mind was already running with ideas and the most sincere hope that he hadn't suddenly picked up mind reading with his other wintery powers. She considered letting one hand take a grip on his thigh but given his driving was questionable at the best of times she kept them in her own lap.

She tipped her head back to rest against the mismatched seat of the Beetle and thought it over. "Remember when we fought that tree monster at the Walmart?" She nodded to herself. "I toyed with the idea then, but you had just gone through everything with Susan and the last thing you needed was anything romantic, you needed a friend, so that's what I was."

She folded her arms under her chest and it might have been a trick of the weak light or maybe, just maybe, there was a raised peak casting a shadow from the center of either breast. Then again maybe it was just cold in the car. "But it got more serious when we were in the Deeps, and Lara cut loose with those White Court powers. Even as fucked up as I was over what her father had done I was hotter than I'd ever been and you were the only thing I was thinking about. So, good thing everything happened the way it did I guess. Saved me the embarrassment of doing unspeakable things to you." At least then.

[dresdenforhire]

“Okay Whampire whammy doesn’t count,” I argued. I did not want Lara Raith having credit for someone wanting to sleep with me. She would just enjoy that thought far, far too much. I did like the idea of Murphy thinking of me like that though and my mind wanted to wander down that lane a bit which was not the best of ideas because, you know, driving.

Besides, I was already distracted by her squirming and trying to keep my eyes on the road. It was very obvious that I was turned on and it wasn’t like I thought Karrin was some sort of nun I just... it was going to take a bit for me to think of her thinking of me like that. I definitely LIKED it, it was just going to be an adjustment was all. I had a feeling it would be a quick one though.

“I... don’t really feel comfortable fantasizing about others,” I admitted, although I had a feeling that wasn’t any big surprise to her. That sort of thing just always felt like an invasion of privacy or a step too far for me. It wasn’t the sort of thing I expected others to feel the same about it but It was a hang up I really couldn’t get past. “But I’ve, uh, there are definitely times I’ve thought it would be fun to try some things with you.”

[murph]

"If I was hot for Lara or Thomas or one of the Raiths I'd agree with you. But I was thinking about you. And oh, the thoughts I had." She drew out the syllables like she was talking about good quality chocolate or a fine firearm.

Her squirm was not at all helped by remembering that incident or the feelings and dreams she'd carried with her for some time after it. They had been wild, she had to give it to the Raiths that they had a power alright, and they would not be touching on that time there was the whole beer incident. Just. No.

"You're able to control your fantasies? Huh." She looked a little puzzled by that. "Mine usually just come to me, no pun intended. "Mostly in the shower really, which I guess makes sense with your ice-cold shower. Not nearly as conducive as a hot shower or bath and the need to relax." She turned to look out the window as they drive.

"So, what have you thought would be fun to try with me?" She thought not looking at him might make him feel a little easier about telling her.

[dresdenforhire]

I gave a bit of a groan and managed to bite it off before it sounded too obscene. It occurred to me that I probably didn’t have to censor myself like that around her anymore but old habits died hard. The way she was saying the words as much as what she was saying hand goosebumps running down my spine though. Probably just more blood flow directed to below my waist.

“I figured I could hold you up no problem. Especially if your legs were around my waist and you were pressed up against the wall,” I admitted. While the height difference was definitely going to cause us to think creatively about a few positions there were plenty that were going to be easier because of it. “Also, I’ve noticed how hard and well you ride and I want to know how you taste...”

[murph]

She was trying to play nice, now that the cat was most definitely out of the bag. But there was only so much that could be done when you're discussing things you've wanted to do with the person you've wanted to do them with for years. She had come to terms with her feelings both romantic and otherwise and while she wasn't ready to necessarily venture in the L word about things she knew that what was between them was special, strong, and worth pursuing.

"God, yes." She snapped when he mentioned the wall, her eyes closing for a moment to take that image in. "So many times I've wanted to grab a handful of your hair and just guide you to use your tongue for something that wouldn't piss me off."

She flexed her fingers, possibly considering the grip she'd need on him.

[dresdenforhire]

“It would shut me up, you’d only hear my growls and groans because I would REALLY get into it,” I said, warming up to this mutual teasing. I don’t claim to be any sort of world class lover, I leave that up to Thomas, but I’m an attentive and enthusiastic learner for sure. Something also told me that Karrin would be very clear in what she wanted me to do and that got me as excited as anything else. I wondered if I teased a bit she’d get downright angry or rough about it? I hoped so.

“And I may desperately be wanting to see what that ass looks like without anything covering it,” I added. Karrin didn’t have a bad feature about her and while her chest was plenty incredible her backside was a sculpted thing of beauty. She put a lot of hard work into it and I was very willing to make sure it got the appreciation it deserved.

[murph]

"Rude to talk with your mouth full Dresden, you'd have to be punished." She looked back at him, biting her lower lip with all the ideas she had of things she could and wanted to do to him. She was looking at the angle of his jaw now and imagining how that stubbled jutting prominence would feel between her thighs. So much for getting more comfortable in her seat.

"You've seen me in my underwear, you have a good idea. But if you want a better one I would be more than happy to make you worship me." There was something she'd never even brought up in their conversations before, she'd never even alluded to what her proclivities might be. That she compensated for her literal shortcomings by being more dominant in the bedroom turned out to be a bonus for them both.

"How much further?"

[dresdenforhire]

“Karrin,” I growled. I meant it to sound like a warning but it came out more as a “punish me, please” sort of sound. I couldn’t really complain though because it was pretty obvious that’s where that pet of our relationship was headed. Also, you know, I got really turned on by that sort of thing so there was also that.

“That’s the point. I don’t want to just see it, I want to worship it. All of it. All of you. I- I want to make sure there’s no doubt how much I care about and want you,” I added. Because it wasn’t about the physical stuff, at least not just that. Karrin Murphy deserved someone that adored her, that would shower her with adoration for being the incredible woman she was. And I really wanted that job. “And not much farther. Then we have to hike for a bit. I guess we probably won’t need the Rugrats sleeping bad I brought for you though? One will probably do fine for the both of us.”

[murph]

Rugtats sleeping bag? For her? Karrin's eyes narrowed at him for that remark. Did he do it just so she would punish him? She wouldn't put it past him now that she knew what she knew of his proclivities.

"Oh I don't know, you might want to bring it I can think of a place you can stick it if you're worried about space." She snarked back at him but if tonight went the way they'd both been talking so far she wasn't sure either of them was going to be doing much sleeping, in a bag or out.

So since he wanted to be a jerk, why shouldn't she. "It's magnificent by the way." She said just matter of factly. "My ass. Jared said it was the best ass he'd ever seen, and he's seen all kinds." She leaned back as if remembering. "He had these big hands that could just reach down and grab a cheek in each hand and pull me right up to his mouth." She casually looked over at him as if just now noticing. "Huh, you have pretty big hands too don't you."

[dresdenforhire]

I snorted in laughter at the comment about where she thought we could stick the sleeping bag and remarked that I was glad it wasn't very big if that was the case. Again, that was entirely deserved and I didn't mind that banter. The comment about Kincaid hit me differently though, my jaw clenching tight and my hands white knuckling the steering wheel. Winter demanded that we pull over now and stake a claim to Murphy and then go find Kincaid and fight him to the death. My own feelings mirrored the first impulse but I wasn't such a caveman or so suicidal that I wanted to do the second. But that's what made the Winter Mantle so insidious, sometimes it so closely resembled my own thoughts.

I was a big boy though and took a few deep breaths to relax myself. This was just teasing banter and I wasn't some knuckle dragging ape that thought Karrin was my possession or anything. My knuckles were at least a few inches off the ground, thank you very much.

"Extra large, at least according to my gloves," I acknowledged just as I pulled the Beetle off of the main highway and onto a side road. Just a bit farther down here and we could park and then hike the rest of the way in. "Only one way to find out if they serve your purposes."

[murph]

"I think they'll do just fine." She'd meant it to sting a little bit but not cause quite the reaction he'd shown, she didn't want to start things off that way. Teasing was a fun easy thing with them but that sort of tease took on new meaning now that they were talking about what they were.

"You know I only get serious right? If I'm with you, I'm with you nobody else. I'd expect the same." She was still in that position of power but also letting him know she was meeting him there. If he really was all in then so was she and she wasn't looking for anything else anywhere else.

She felt the bumps when they moved from paved road to side road and she figured they were getting closer to where they were headed, on a number of levels.

"Also before anything happens I need to know something, and this is absolutely non negotiable." She was serious now, and she waited till they parked to continue because she wanted to be looking at him when she said it. "Before any clothes come off, before any touching. I need to know your safeword because I never want to do anything that is going to hurt you in a way that you're not going to enjoy."

[dresdenforhire]

I would hope that Karrin would know I'm all in too and there's no one else I'm interested and I wouldn't even consider "seeing other people". I don't think I'm built that way and couldn't see other people even if that's what the other person wanted.

"I'm an all or nothing kind of guy with relationships, Karrin. And you're definitely my all," I said. Super cheesy I'm sure but she was definitely going to have to get used to that because it was really the only way I knew how to be. My heartfelt sentiments tended to run along cheesy lines even though they were entirely earnest. Or maybe it was me being earnest that made them cheesy?

"And, ah, I don't have a safe word," I admitted before hastily adding, "Yet. It's never come up with a partner before. Guess I haven't felt comfortable enough to go to that place with someone before. "But my safe word is... Dagobah."