For lilorphanmaggie - Take Your Daughter To Work Day

[dresdenforhire]

When you're a wizard that used to be on retainer with the Chicago PD you don't get called in for the fun cases. It's never, "Dresden, someone has delivered a bunch of cute puppies at the all you can eat buffet during a supermodel luncheon and we need you to investigate". No, it's always something that's gone really horrible. Not just weird but usually violent and gory. When that happens I put on my wizard hat and go earn my paycheck. Only I don't actually have a hate. Well, I do but it's a Cubs hat so not really all that magical.

I haven't been on retainer with the Chicago PD for a while, though that doesn't mean I still don't get asked to look at cases on the down low. The down low comes with considerably less cash but as the Winter Knight I don't have the cash flow problem I used to have. It's not exactly a job but seeing as how Mab shudders at the idea of her Knight being homeless and half starved unless it's because she wants them to be I get something of a stipend. I'm not sure what the limit is because my needs are pretty simple. Clothes, a vehicle, and a place to heat up SpaghettiOs on the stove.

I kind of wish I'd forgone the SpaghettiOs this time though since the scene was a particularly gruesome one. A lot of people don't know how much mass a human body has, especially when you spread it all out. And someone spread these bodies out all over the 16th hole of a golf course in the suburbs. I feel bad for the foursome that was the first to run into it because they clearly didn't know what they'd found until they'd taken several steps into the muck.

The police wouldn't have even had any way to identify the victims until DNA came back except they found a few phones among the remains. They hadn't given me the names exactly but I just happened to overhear what they were saying when I'd planted a magical bug (it was spider) by the command tent that relayed what they were saying. I'd recognized the names instantly as a gang of magical bullies that lived in the surrounding areas. Kind of like the Alphas only the opposite. The Omegas maybe? Bad Alphas? Assholes? Yeah, I was going to go with the Assholes. They were small time, too small time to ping the White Council but still trouble. Not so much trouble that they deserved whatever happened to them. I can think of only a few people that I'd wish a fate like that on and even then I'd feel a bit bad about it.

I needed to find out if everyone in the Assholes had been killed though but I wasn't exactly sure where they'd go to ground after this. People tended to not be particularly open when talking to the Winter Knight/Warden/Rogue Wizard/Me. Fortunately I knew someone that just might know something like that.

I had one of the members of the Za-Lords army send a quick message to Molly (I refused to think of her as the Winter Lady because she deserved to be remembered as a person) and asked her to phone my daughter. Cell phones don't play very nice with me but Molly and Maggie can handle them just fine. Once that was done I headed to Mac's to have a drink and wait for Maggie to show up, assuming she would.

We had a complicated relationship. Really complicated. If they could keep the cameras from exploding we would have been on the E! network with the Kardashians. But I loved her more than she might ever understand, even if I was terrible about showing it, and hoped that she wouldn't resent me for asking her to come along. Selfishly I hoped she would take it as a sign of faith that I thought she could handle this sort of thing.

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[dresdenforhire]

"Do you think that will work?" I asked. Not as a rhetorical question in the "wise man on the mountain" sort of way but because I had no clue. Maggie was the one that knew this girl and had insight into the mind of a young woman. I could make some assumptions and if Maggie wasn't here I would have to. But she is here and I want her to be as much a part of this as possible because dealing with situations like this is what I do and as much as I hate to wish this on anybody... I hope some day it will be what she does too. Because good people get involved and they help.

"Here's what I would do if I didn't have you as a partner right now," I said, because she was my partner. Not a side kick or an apprentice because that would never work because that's too much like father and daughter only without being father and daughter. I'd rather have the latter relationship if I can have anything. "I would roll up there, walk into that place like I don't have a care in the world. That means I'm either crazy, stupid, or so bad ass they don't scare me. I'd calmly ask to see who I'm looking for. When they didn't answer I'd ask again, only this time I'd talk about all the dead people and how I'm trying to stop whatever did that. Either she gets scared and reveals herself or they get scared they'll be next and will turn her over. Or I'll get lucky and the shitty person will know that I'm actually a good guy trying to help them and believe me."

[lilorphanmaggie]

Ugh this is one of those teachable moments isn't it? Yeah, probably, but at that moment she didn't care. It was one of those wild, terrifying things, to sort of be in this moment of serious contemplation in which the end result, if wrong, could be horrific. Really, life is shaping up to be one wild game of DnD which, if actually, realistically considered probably wouldn't actually be enjoyable.

And Harry is right there, next to her, asking for her advice and her input in what might go down. She feels like the only person in his life right now and it's actually kind of terrifying: what if she messes up? What if his feelings toward her are only predicated on her being absolutely perfect?

"I don't know if I'm much of a talker," Margaret blurts out. "I mean what if I panic and just say something stupid?" It's one of those moments of very pure vulnerability. Here are my flaws, am I still okay? And it would be awesome if she was as cool and as composed as she acts in real life, but she's not. In return she tries to make up for it.

"What if?" teeth sink into her bottom lip. "What if we go in together? If we have a conversation together, like at the bar where everyone can see and hear?" No, ugh, gross. "That's like super spy movie, right? We could talk to them together?" Give each other advantage?

[dresdenforhire]

I watched her think it over and the struggles on her face were almost too easy to read, if only because they mirrored so many of my own internal struggles only magnified by the dual insecurity and confidence of youth. In some ways I'm proud of her though because if she acted like she had all the answers it would have show immaturity more than anything. There will be serious repercussions to whatever we do here and we want to try and minimize the bad ones.

"Maggie, you'll probably say something stupid. Hell's bells, I'll probably say something more stupid than you. But I promise if you don't over think what you say you'll be fine. You might not love to chat up random racist strangers in their bar but you're good at talking. You don't bullshit people and they can tell. They might not always like what you have to say but they'll respect you for it. I know I do," I said. Casually dropping that last part in there like it's not a big deal, like I'm not risking a sort of snarky comment about how I don't really respect her. Because that honesty of hers is a double edged sword and I know I'm more vulnerable than anyone to having it cut me. When you so desperately want someone's love and affection you open yourself up to having them wound you deeply. But Maggie is worth it.

"And together is good. Because who would be crazy enough to bring their old man to a bar if they were planning on blowing it up, right?" I asked. I didn't ask who would be crazy enough to bring their daughter to a bar if they were planning on blowing it up though because anyone who has ever met met knows that answer to that question is "Harry Dresden".

[lilorphanmaggie]

It's one of those moments she doesn't really know what to do with. There is a lot to it. There is encouragement and this naked honesty that can make people uncomfortable but ultimately does more benefit then bad. Especially when it comes to Dresdens and magic.

Yeah. She'll probably do something stupid, and despite her teenager almost adult brain thinks, it's not the end of the world when that happens. it might keep her up some night two years down the road but even that will fade over time and causes no real harm. But he's right, she is honest, even in her stupid mouth moments, and people respond to that and now will probably be no different.

In a moment, perhaps inspired by her previous fear of disappointing him, or just the whole stress of the situation she moves forward to wrap her arms around him in a hug. He's always more sturdy then she thinks, he's got that lank and height and it sort of conceals just how fucking stacked he is. That's after the fact that they aren't really a hugging kind of family. And family is one of those words she waffles on using when describing them. Not a traditional family for sure but something they are working on, building together that works for the both of them. That is special to them.

Regardless to all the complications surrounding their relationship she does love him, and she is giving him the best Maggie hug in the history of hugs.

[dresdenforhire]

I let out a surprise "oof" because of anything I was expecting in that moment it wasn't a hug. Out of all the things I'm ever expecting from anyone it's never a hug and certainly not with Maggie. And it's not because I don't think she's capable or that I think she would never hug me, not really. But I have to tell myself that it won't happen because the hoping and yearning for it feels like it will kill me if I tell myself it might happen. Or I might try and force it and end up pushing her away and I would never want that. Because this? Right now with her hugging me tight? It's the best moment in my life. It's the best hug I've ever had and I have to really struggle not to burst out sobbing because there's a hole in my hear that only my little girl can fill and right now she's filling it and I hope that whatever massive hole is in her heart that I caused is feeling a little more full.

It also makes me remember just how small she is. Sure she's tall for someone her age, or any age now that she's older. But she still feels small and tiny as my arms wrap around her and I hug her back. I'm pretty sure that I could just stand like this holding forever but I made a silent promise that the moment she starts to tend the hug I will too. For the moment though I don't ever want to let her out of my arms.

[lilorphanmaggie]

It's probably a too long a hug. Like that could make up for the length they went without. That's how that works right? All the want and the hurt and the hope and the confusion could be eased with a slightly longer hug. If only they were that magical, if touch could truly restore the body and the spirit.

"Thanks," it's gruff in a soft little girl way. Act hard, be in control, like we're all too Elsa for our own good. Except the redemption is in loving and letting go.

(that was awful, i apologize.)

Margaret clears her throat and squeezes a little tighter before finally letting go and awkwardly shuffling back. That was good, a good hug, a good moment and the world didn't fall a part and she is still standing. Weird. "Yeah, um, let's, you know go in together so we got each other's back and," vague gesturing between the two of them because apparently her body is utterly out of control. "Like never separate the party, right? This is 101 stuff."

[dresdenforhire]

It's the best hug I've ever received in my entire life. Apologies to everyone else who has ever hugged me but they just can't compare to the hug I just got. It's hands down the best, A+, everyone else go home. Only don't go home because I want more hugs from other people too, they just won't be this good. But there was no shame in being the Ben Johnson of hugs to Maddie's Shakespeare.

"Anytime," I said, blinking away the random saline solution that happened to want to fall from my eyes that definitely were not tears no matter how much they appeared to be exactly that. I would definitely not hate another hug from her sometime.

"Right, never split the party. We go in together and just confuse them with our stunning good looks, witty repartee, and vague threats if neither of those work."

[lilorphanmaggie]

You can have those hugs any time you want, Harry, an ask first wouldn't go amiss but Margaret does like giving and receiving hugs and would be pretty stoked at a Harry Dresden hug.

Because she is now. Because things are complicated but not so complicated that a hug can't make things better.

Deep breath in, a roll of the shoulders, collecting herself and getting focused: what's next? Oh right. Keys in hand she looks up at Harry and smiles slightly before giving the key ring a spin around her finger. "Alright, I drive, you navigate. Do we need to hit up anywhere else before we get there?"

[dresdenforhire]

I took a moment to gather myself after that all because I'm a horrible mess with feelings and emotions, especially when it comes to dealing with Maggie. No fault of hers of course, it's just how I am and things are. But I'm trying to be better, damn it. For her sake.

"I'd like to swing by home and grab a few items and drop Bonnie off back home. I think I have a few things that could help us with this," I said as I climbed back into the passenger side of the Jeep. So far Maggie had a 100% success rate in driving my vehicles without destroying them which is way, way better than my record. Also, it's nice to be chauffeured around.

[lilorphanmaggie]

"Ohhhh," eyebrows wiggle as she slides into the driver's side seat and gives a little hop to get fully centered. "Goodies," because Harry always has the best toys. She tries to be innovated (see also: rad af jacket) but really she isn't much of an innovator. What she does try to do and feels she is relatively good at, is making existing things better, or at least more suitable for her.

Why make new? Just make better.

Seat belt, mirror check, this time a bit more casual and she starts up the Jeep. "Home for supplies, then on to the bigot bar. Yup, the usual afternoon running errands with dad." well that was startling. o dear. Yeah, whatever it happened. Let's move on.

[dresdenforhire]

"To be used in emergencies only," I said, doing my best to sound authoritative and not like I'm a huge hypocrite for saying that. I'm not all that worried though, the thing about magic and people who grow up with it is that it loses a tiny bit of its luster. When you're the one making all the fancy stuff you realize every potion you use is another two hours you have to spend making the next one and that's not all that fun. Of course, if it's my potions we're using then she doesn't have to do the work to replace them. Maybe I should invite her over to do that though.

All of those thoughts derail though when she calls me dad. It's such a small thing, just a title, that's all. But I know all about titles. "Dad" is a big one. I've had several father figures in my day but there's still only one that I think of as dad. Malcolm Dresden will always be my dad. Hearing her use that moniker about me makes me choke up a little and I was already emotional about the hug. I am so not equipped for this. Which is why I automatically go for humor. Ahhh, good old humor.

"If you're good, next weekend we'll go to two bigot bars."

[lilorphanmaggie]

"Right, right. With great responsibility comes really high insurance premiums, I know, I know." Not to be used as toys, not to be taken lightly. Also, a lot of fucking work. Sure it gets easier with the doing and with the growing stock pile of components but it is still a long and complex project.

And not always cheap.

Margaret can almost always be impulsive and since she is a teenager, does do dumb and dangerous shit, but not as much as the average teenager. Margaret was trouble in her own agonizing way but it wasn't trouble that usually came from the abuse of magic power.

A break in the traffic and she heads North toward Harry's. "Oh man, you totally know how to spoil me. Illinois has a surprising Nazi problem actually, I blame it on the proximity to Indiana, home of the second resurgence of the KKK. And if you think about it Nazis are just high class KKK members that have stopped fucking their first cousins."

[dresdenforhire]

“I have never been more proud of you than I am right now,” I said. Sure there was the whole issue of the language but it’s not like I’m completely innocent in how I talk. I just try to save up my profanity for the situations that really call for it and describing Nazis and KKK members certainly call for it.

And I knew it was stupid but I wish her mom could be around to hear a comment like that. She’d have thought it was hilarious and beautifully put all at the same time. Maggie definitely had her mother’s way with words.

I wrestled for a moment about whether or not I should say anything about that. It was a tricky tight rope to walk and I didn’t know the first thing of how to navigate it. But Maggie was an adult and had been through a lot. So I just decided to trust her, trust that if I said too much or made her uncomfortable she’d tell me and next time I could just not do that messed up thing.

“Your mom would have been proud too. She would have loved a turn of phrase like that,” I finally said after a moment, making sure that the roads were clear of traffic if nothing else.

[lilorphanmaggie]

It takes a special kind of parental figure to be proud of a child for saying anything that involves incest but the Dresdens have always been one of those unique families. The Addams Family as opposed to Leave it to Beaver. Maybe the Munsters, or Bewitched. One of those wholesome but odd classic TV families.

Her fingers tighten on the steering wheel, and she sort of gives it a little twist like that would anchor her in some way shape or form. This is what happens when you hug people, all of a sudden you have all these feelings and no place to safely put them because you're driving a massive Jeep. So she is silent and driving for awhile because, while it took some time to learn: you don't need to answer straight away.

"I've read her articles," she says finally her voice oddly - devoid. "There are videos of her up on Youtube, interviews and stuff and I keep expecting something. I don't know what. But it never happens. She was really beautiful and had a great laugh, I can see why you liked her."

[dresdenforhire]

"You're a lot like her. Fierce. Stubborn. Beautiful. You have a way with words. You rolled some damned good stats kid and I'm proud of what you've done with them," I said. I didn't want her to feel like she wasn't her own person, that she was just some carbon copy of a woman she didn't really get to know at all. Because that wasn't fair to Maggie and the way she's had to fight tooth and claw for a lot of things, for how hard she's worked to be who she is. But I don't want her to feel like she has no connection to her mother because she does. I just want her to be comforted by it instead of haunted.

"I ever tell you about the time I saw my dad after he died?" I asked, almost floundering for a shift in topic. Unfortunately the life preserver I threw myself wasn't all that far off topic. Maybe if I talk about my dead parents it will help her feel less alone about all this, I don't know. And how knows, maybe some day she'll get a weird vision from her mother like I did my dad.

[lilorphanmaggie]

Some of those descriptive words she doesn't agree with, but it's nice to hear them coming from him. As weird as her family is, it's not fucked up, it's not horrible and ugly. She's seen some of that and it's awful. Margaret knows what she has isn't always perfect but it's really awesome. Her eyes burn in that way that lets you know that unless drastic action is taken something is going to roll down your cheek that you'll have to discreetly brush away.

Whatever. It's fine. It will be fine. The sunglasses are pretty awesome at hiding a lot from the outside world. They won't fail her now.

"No," but her voice might, all heavy with emotion. She clears it as she makes a right hand turn, like that covers it all up. His parents are gone too. Early. Suspiciously. Maybe it's a family thing, maybe if she ever has kids they won't know who she is either. "How did that happen?"

[dresdenforhire]

I noticed the strain in her voice and part of me was touched by it. I know this is heavy stuff and I guess I needed proof that Maggie hadn't completely closed herself off from these sorts of things. Not that I had any proof that she did or would but it's a guilt complex thing; you assume you're the worst and you worry about how badly you might have damaged someone. But I shouldn't have worried because Maggie isn't perfect and what she's been through has affected her deeply but I know she's a good person. She's still a child in a lot of ways but she's a good person and you can't be as good as her and lock much of your humanity away.

But I'm not going to call attention to the thickness in her voice. She's obviously trying to hide what she's feeling and I can give her that much.

"It was around Halloween. The veil was thin and there was a lot of Necromancer activity going on. But it meant that he was able to visit me. He- he reassured me that I was a good person. Later he visited me at my grave... I was a tiny bit worried because someone had placed a death curse on me to 'die alone'. And by that I mean it was a pretty low point in my life. But he said something I'll never forget.'Everyone dies alone. That's what it is. It's a door. It's one person wide. When you go through it, you do it alone. But it doesn't mean you've got to be alone before you go through the door. And believe me, you aren't alone on the other side.'"

[lilorphanmaggie]

You know what would be great? Going into a tough hate group bar with a tear streaked face. Yeah, that would be most excellent which is good because that might just be what happens to poor Margaret. It sucks so bad, and it's obviously frustrating to her, to be caught up in all of these emotions and the Jeep is not taking it well despite all the deep breathing and chaotic attempts at regulating emotions and being aware.

Therapy is a fucking jip. This is not working at all.

"Can we please have a change of topic? I really can't handle this at all." Everyone dies. Everyone dies. And life would probably be a lot easier if she was dead too. A hard shake of her head and one by one she exchanges hands to rub sweaty palms against her shorts and thighs. "Though, you know, it's good you got to see your dad again. Happy for you."

[dresdenforhire]

Sometimes you learn a lesson the hard way. You get knocked down and you learn not to do that thing again because it knocks you down. Sometimes you fail though and someone else gets knocked down and that's the worst. A moment that I'd found comforting and touching was hurting my daughter which made me feel about an inch tall. It also made the temperature in the Jeep drop a bit as the Winter magic leaked through a bit. Winter really liked hate, even if it was self hate.

"So... how does Harry Potter like to get down hills? By walking," I said, opting for a joke because it's not like I can't do any worse than I already have. It's times like these where I think that Maggie really probably was better off without me in her life more. "JK... Rolling."

Father of the year, here I come.

[lilorphanmaggie]

The laugh that comes out is sputtering and wet but it's a laugh and she appreciates that he is respecting her wishes to change the topic. Not to mention bad jokes, Margaret loves bad jokes, and non-jokes, because the surreal absurdity of them always makes her oddly happy.

Without much thinking Margaret reaches over and puts her hand on his arm lightly. It's a comforting touch, the temperature has her attention a cool to the heat and sweat that is currently prickling at her skin. It's a touch that reassures that despite the talk of death he is still here, despite everything, he is still here and that gives her comfort. "That is a really, really bad joke," she tells him with a smile. "I love it."

[dresdenforhire]

I could have almost cried with relief at hearing that laugh. I don't care how choked with tears it was it was the most beautiful sound in the world to me. Just like that touch meant the world to me and I had to wipe away salt water leaking from my eyes. Sorry to all the other daughters in the world but I had the best daughter ever. No contest at all. No one else would have stuck with me this long or given me this many chances and believe me, I needed all the chances I could get.

"And you know how the Malfoy's enter every building, of course," I said as we just pulled up to my tiny little place that was just where the suburbs met the city. "They Slytherin."

[lilorphanmaggie]

Street parking this far out isn't a big deal, still, parallel parking isn't exactly something Margaret is actually looking forward to doing in this piece of machinery. Thankfully the parking gods are merciful and she can just pull in behind another car. Which is probably for the best, in his attempt to cheer her up he might kill her with really awful jokes. At least he means well.

A groan: "okay, okay, that's enough of that." But it's followed up with another laugh as she kills the engine and frees herself from the belt."

[dresdenforhire]

I held up my hands in a sign of surrender, indicating that the bad jokes were at an end. For now. I was going to keep that in my back pocket though of ways to bond, by telling each other terrible jokes. Maybe we wouldn't even have to keep using them as a way to deflect from rather unpleasant emotions that reared their head at inconvenient times. I'm not sure when a convenient time for soul-crushing sadness was but just in case there was one I didn't want to leave it out.

"Okay, are you ready to prep to potentially kick the ass of some racists?" I asked as I got out of the Jeep and headed toward the front door. I missed my old place that got burned down but I had to admit that the bit security door on this one opened and closed nicely and I couldn't complain too much about that.

[lilorphanmaggie]

"I am always, a hundred percent ready to rock and roll." Which may or may not be true. Margaret is not a lazy creature but she is also a teenager which means that sleeping patterns are almost constantly in flux and more often than not a day off means not leaving the bed except for multiple bowls of cereal. Since she is a teenager this behavior, by and large is acceptable, and only eyed with mild envy by the the adults in her life.

Margaret joins Harry, a few large steps easily catches up to him as she approaches the house. She too is thinking about his old place, not in familiar terms but in the stories she has heard from multiple sources. When she catches up to him, there's another touch, just hand on arm, to kind of center because outside of bad dad jokes it was an emotionally trying car ride. "I always wish I could have seen your old place."

[dresdenforhire]

“Me too. It wasn’t great but... it was home,” I said with a bit of a wistful smile. Hearing her say that reminded me of the night I lost it. The night I broke my back and needed to become the Winter Knight. My back had long since healed. I still faked that I needed Mab’s magic but that wasn’t why I was still the Winter Knight. Sure someone might mess with Harry Dresden’s daughter if he was a Warden. That would go poorly. But the sort of vengeance I could potentially bring as the Winter Knight was a stronger deterrent. Only Mab could hold Maggie over my head and she knew better. Still, the time to hang up the Mantle was probably getting close. It was harder and harder to push away those urges and the scary thing is that I was growing tired of doing it.

Yes, I know that becoming evil was bad but it was just so exhausting fighting it all the time. The worst part is that sometimes I found myself thinking “but what if I gave in just a little? I could still be good and I wouldn’t have to fight so much.” The moment I gave into a “what if” I’ve lost the fight. And that isn’t a fight I’m going to lose.

“This place isn’t bad though,” I said, pushing those thoughts away as I smiled at Maggie and unlocked the door. Inside the house wasn’t all that big. Actually smaller than most of the other ones in the area but I didn’t need much. Really, the only weird thing about it was the number of skulls placed in it. There was one in each room and as soon as I brought Bonnie out of my pocket her form wooshed from the skull in my pocket to the nearest one.

“Need anything to drink?”